Parental Pretense

I decided to write this while I was in a fit of emotion. I am writing this a little calmer than before.

I make many mental notes. One mental note reads " Whatever parents show of themselves to their children, they rarely are". Before I elaborate, it must be kept in mind that more often than not you see your parents as their child. You rarely judge them as members of society as you and I. Another interesting point to make note of is that defining 'a member of society' is very hard. We all view others in different roles. A teacher to me is a parent to another and my view of her will certainly be drastically different from her child's view. It is a matter of perception.

For the sake of simplicity in understanding what I am going to write further let us define a 'parent' as any of the following persons: Gandhi, Hitler or Sachin Tendulkar. Whats common among them is that almost everyone has the same perception of each. To almost everyone, Gandhi is peace loving, Hitler is cruel, Sachin is arguably the greatest batsman. That is the only feature I want you to keep in mind, no other features of these persons.

I will take Gandhi. To me he is peace loving. This is the analogy- Just how, to everyone Gandhi is peace loving like that to every child his parents are real, correct, honest and genuine. Every child believes his parents are real, correct, honest and genuine. Infact I am sure these qualities are attributed to the being 'parent' by all children. But every child in his judgement of his parents overlooks that his parents are parents only to him and to nobody else. I, I think, made the mistake of trying to look at my parents as non-parents.

My perception was astounding. The parents suddenly become just like any body else. They lose their realism, honesty and genuinity. That begged the question then, are they actually real, honest, correct and genuine with me?

I think all children are extremely sure that their parents are real, honest and true with them. Then why is it that they are not when it comes to a domain beyond the walls of a home they dont seem to be so. For me, I could not believe in their spoken pragmatism, realism and honesty any more simply because I never saw them practise it. The truth is parents are rarely true, honest, correct and genuine. They are all very calculated which is real but only in fraction. I could console myself by saying that they are not themselves outside but at home they are. But it is not good enough to say that because till I see congruence in both spheres I dont know which to call true and which false. Of course this dilemma is because I view parents as non-parents, the moment I dont, they are completely real, honest, correct and genuine.

But that is my problem, I dont like viewing them like that and why should I? The fact is they are not parents to anybody else, and my judgement will be accurate if I am not biased. Which is of course when I view parents as non-parents.

So I conclude that parents are pretentious. View your parent as a non-parent and you will understand. But don't because it is not a good feeling. Shrouded with so much doubt it could harm your relationship with them.

But I think this pretense is good, because the intention is good. It is our interest at their heart. They will lie and feign but tell you not to, simply because it is good that you do not. There is one person that we all are true to, ourselves. Lets ask ourselves are we real and honest? The answer will be somewhat like this, I am at times and not at times. That answer, I guess, will make most of us think whether we are real or not? An answer to that is hard to find.

Parental pretense is just a reflection of human nature and motivates me to show greater congruence in both spheres.

I rarely succeed.